this republic is becoming a dumping ground for memorials

[biddyfox]

I think I wanted us to be like a purrfect duo, a pair, two artists who bounce off each other in some kind of special beautiful way. People could watch us together and try and understand how we bounce off each other and never succeed. I don't think that can happen. I am afraid of the people who watch you, who you attract, who you cultivate. I feel so unsafe. I feel unsafe all the time and I'm worried it's because of our shared audience. So I'm sorry. I wish I could just be stronger. I wish I could be your mirror. Maybe I should make sacrifices too. Maybe I should sacrifice my safety, my comfort, for my dream. Maybe it would be okay that way. But I'm not strong enough to do that. You cannot make me strong enough to do that. I hope this is the apotheosis of my weakness, my cowardice. Maybe returning to safety in isolation will give me that strength. "A couple years in solitary never hurt anyone."